Meet the 8 Levels of Hell!
Click to see Cornfed Killers
The dregs of society, the rejects of civilization, the inbred deplorables will usher you into a netherworld that no respectable would dare brave. Having only faith in the adage of first impressions, we'll blow you away upon your entry into the abode of the damned. Here, in this godless landscape of mass destruction our corn-fed killers may just gorge on your God-damned souls.
Click to see Bedlam
We all float down here. You may be among the fortunate having survived our family of mad-dog killers, but your sanity has gone the way of the dinosaurs and our Bedlam staff are professionals at handling looney tunes. Electro-shock therapy, lobotomies, and golden showers-Oh my! That's nothing compared to what mother superior has in store for you. A ruler? Don't kid yourself. This is bedlam, not parochial and, having no mercy, she sure as hell isn't going to make it go down easier with some silly ass KY. Suffering is good for the soul, folks.
Click to see Crematorium
We figured you wouldn't make it, never mind that we planned it that way. Well, now you’re dead, man and your rotting corpse is stinking up the place something fierce. There's nothing left to do but fry your ass. Unfortunately for those of you who might have just fainted are aren't really dead, our morticians don't believe in embalming fluid so if you wake up in a flaming coffin... oh well because you're going straight to hell.
Click to see The Angels and Demons
The angels and demons are no longer waging war with each other in heaven. Now, they're merely fighting for your miserable souls. Don't expect harp playing here or cute fringe magnet cherubs. Your problem may well be that the angels aren't much less fearsome than the demons and distinguishing between the two could cost you eternity. On the bright side, if there is one, as one sage said, "It's better to laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints."
Click to see Brother Cobweb
Speaking of sinners, we present you Brother Cobweb-The House of Shadows resident parson who now has expanded his ministry from our family of sinners ... to yours! Take our word for it, get to the church on time! With fire and brimstone, he'll either save your soul or cast you into a lake of fire. Our advice to you... stand to your feet and give Brother Cobweb a handclap of praise.
Click to see Perdition
We told you. You didn't listen and now you're condemned to the inky confines of perdition ... Gehenna...Abaddon... the infernal region...the pit... and the pendulum.
Click to see Apocalypse
Brother Cobweb warned you. You didn't listen and now you've been left behind to face the seven archangels and the four horsemen-carrying the curses of war, pestilence, famine, and death. Yet, all that pails with the apocalyptic rise of the whore of babylon, her beast, and the spawn of Lucifer... the antichrist- ready to brand you... 666.
Click to see Vlad
The prince of darkness, the father of lies, the most horrific mass murderer in history. Hollywood has portrayed him as fearful of the cross, but Vlad used the cross ... as a sword... or a stake-the better to impale you with my dear ...as he dines on your entrails. There is nothing new under the sun-or a blood red moon. Meet the antichrist blueprint: Vlad the Impaler- the undying evil, the killer of women, the killer of children, Satan's champion.